Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
