This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
