He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We're too hungover to prance.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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