You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
