Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
