I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
