We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
