dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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