Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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