you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
