She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
