My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
