i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
