you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
