Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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