life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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