You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
