I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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