a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
