Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize