the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
