covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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