youre lurking in front of me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How naked do you want me to be?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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