Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
