His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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