also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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