Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
