Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
