hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
