this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
