You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
