if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize