i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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