I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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