I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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