OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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