So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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