her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
