Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
