there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize