I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
