ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
