As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
