At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
