dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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