too bad you live with your parents still
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
