Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
