I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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