Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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