Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
