Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
