I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
