Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
