Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
