I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
