Quick, to the slutcave!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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