last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
