He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
