so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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