OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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