That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
