Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
