ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We don't watch enough power rangers
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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