fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize