How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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