Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
