1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
