A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I smell stomach acid.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
