How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize