My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Randomize