How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
