Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize