I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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