..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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