I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
