At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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