need another drink. this is the easiest way
if you like me you must not know who I am
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
