I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
