so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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