2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
