Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
