My liver just broke up with me...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
