If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
