I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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