woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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